Tiger
by mak4
Summary: It's Kat's birthday! Insanity ensues. Doesn't it always? Rated for a brief mention of pirate sex.


Yes ladies and gentlemen, that's right. It's that time again… actually, it's two months _past_ that time, but shush. I won't tell if you don't.

What, you may ask, am I babbling on about? Well that's simple. It's time for another nonsensical, wtf-is-going-on Kat birthday fic. Yay!

Okay, so I suck majorly. Her birthday was actually August 27… and it is now October 6… but hey, better late than never right? It's the thought that counts (unless it's broken; then it's neither)

Right, I will shut up now. And on with the story!

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Once upon a time, there was a girl named Tiger. Yes, her name was Tiger. Her parents were hippies, alright? Crazy Asian forest hippies. They're people too.

Anyway, Tiger was an acrobatic trapeze artist in a circus called Curlish Curly's Capital Circus of Doom. It was run by two hobbits, who are still to this day trying to figure out why on earth they named it Curlish Curly's Capital Circus of Doom. That is, they would be if they weren't undergoing a certain crisis at the moment. (I can't go into details, but let's just say it involves massive uproar, and a certain threat of copulation. For further information, go to: alaina, on It's called The Joys of the Modern World.)

I'm digressing. Tiger's whole family had worked at the circus since it had opened, way back in two thousand and three. Before that… they didn't exist.

But Tiger was bored of the circus. So she decided to run away. To find a proper home. Yes, that's right, she ran _away _from the circus to join a home.

Well, after about two months she gave up on that idea. Nobody really wanted to take in an eighteen year old. Go figure. So she decided to be a lab attendant. After all, there is a great calling for lab attendants in the world today. So she went where all prospective lab attendants go. The National College of Lab Attendant University.

While at the National College of Lab Attendant University (which shall henceforth be known as NCLAU, because National College of Lab Attendant University is ridiculous to type out repeatedly), Tiger met a handsome young man by the name of Riley. Riley was in fact a certified genius, but nobody believed him, so he was just shipped off to NCLAU. Which turned out to be quite fortunate for Tiger.

Now, while Tiger thought this young man Riley was a fine specimen of human form, she couldn't manage to talk to him. Apparently he was 'hard to approach'. Bullshit, but anyway. They ended up having a job together, in a tiny little office space. They had to spend a lot of time there and essentially lived in a hole. It was also quite hard to breathe, seeing as how the air was filled with tension. I do mean sexual tension, of course. And all this time, Tiger never once talked to Riley.

One day a man came into work. He wasn't much to look at, and had no emotion in his voice at all, so Tiger ignored him. That was alright, because he pretty much ignored her too. He spent a lot of time talking to Riley. The next day he came back. And the next, and the next. On the fifth day, which was, in fact, a Friday, Riley wasn't there. Tiger looked around the office for him. That took all of two seconds, because the entire office was the size of about two cubicles. Riley was nowhere to be found.

As it turned out, he had quit the day before. Devastated beyond belief, Tiger quit too, reducing the number of employees to one. The truth was, Riley had done most of the work. She wasn't really a great loss.

Still reeling from Riley's disappearance, Tiger took to wandering. She wandered all the way to the Arctic. In the middle of a big thing of ice, she saw lots of smoke. She wandered over to it, but there was nothing there, so she went home.

Bored with her home, Tiger moved to New York, hoping there would be better work for an NCLAU grad there. She was actually beginning to doubt the intelligence of spending $15,000 on the school, but there was little to be done about it now.

She was walking down the street in New York when she saw a familiar figure walk down the street, and then disappear into a church with several others. She could have sworn it was the man from the cubicle who talked to Riley, but maybe not.

And then her heart leapt in joy. It was Riley! Resolving to talk to him, she started across the street, calling. She was so overtaken by her love that she didn't realize he was being forced into the church.

Riley turned when he heard his name, and a smile swept across his face as he realized it was Tiger. The truth was, he really had been in love with her the whole time, but he thought she hated him because she never talked to him-my, what an ordeal.

That smile was quickly replaced though, as he yelled for her to turn around. Tiger looked at him quizzically, and then fell to the ground as someone knocked her out with a baboon.

When Tiger woke up, Riley was gone. In fact, all those people were gone, and she had no idea where she was. Actually, that's not strictly true. She was fairly certain that she was in a hospital. But she had no idea where that hospital was, and she'd lost Riley forever.

Later that day they discharged her, telling her to stay away from baboons in the future. Tiger had found out that it was June 17, but since she had no idea what day it'd been when she'd been knocked out, that didn't tell her much.

She was walking slowly down the street when there was the loud roar of an engine. A bright red Ferrari drove up to her. To her absolute happiness, Riley was in the driver's seat. Which actually explained why it had been swerving as it drove up to her.

As they drove away, Riley explained the entire story to her, about how he'd been recruited by the man (actually named Ben Gates) to help find a treasure, and then his partner (Ian Howe) and tried to kill them, and then they'd gone on a big hunt for the treasure, and found it too!

"So," Riley concluded. "I'm using my share of the money to become a pirate."

"A pirate!" Tiger concluded. "You mean, like, a real, _live_ pirate?"

"Ain't no kind better."

"A Captain Jack Sparrow pirate?"

"But of course. Care to join me?"

"Of course!"

And they drove off to the Black Pearl where they sailed the seven seas and had mad, wild pirate sex (which everyone knows is the best kind) until the end of their days. Which might not have actually been that long, because it was only the two of them, and I'm pretty sure neither of them knew how to steer a ship. But anyway.

The end.


End file.
